Joyful

I am always evolving –

I am not who I once was,

But I am not the final version of who I can be.

I have learned better

How to use my voice,

But sometimes it sounds too

Strong,

Hoarse,

Strained –

Or quiet.

Sometimes it doesn’t sound at all,

But it’s always there –

I can feel it –

Rippling beneath the surface,

Climbing up my lungs.

Sometimes it threatens to burst like a geyser;

Sometimes it gets stuck,

And threatens to choke me out –

But I know this is not my voice itself;

It is fear.

It is fear of being heard,

Fear of not;

It is fear of being understood,

Fear of not;

It is fear of being

Brave,

Bold,

Open,

Wild,

Sexy,

Luscious,

Alive.

Life is messy and unpredictable,

And I usually don’t know what to say –

What will get me through to the next moment,

The next phase?

It’s easier to let life pass you by,

Than it is to live it.

But which is more rewarding?

Which lets you integrate and embrace

All those parts of you?

You can only learn, grow, and change

If you keep living –

Keep using your voice.

Arboretum

The heavy fog challenges the restless leaves
That spin cartwheels
Down to the rough pavement.
These forces cannot stop their radiance –
The way they bound forth
And paint our city with fire.
 
Mystery shakes them loose,
The breath of the Goddess
Whispering secrets,
Speaking the truth of the trees,
The Earth,
The air
That fills my lungs –
Draws my spirit up
To drive me forward,
Along this crooked path –
Once familiar, yet forgotten.
 
These streets I walk are no longer mine,
The roots that have been planted
No longer connect us.
We are part of a network,
But one that is detached from the earth.
 
I find solace in the Gibbous Moon
That shines outside my window.
She gazes down upon me
And I think she feels some part of my truth.
She beckons to her friendly stars,
And they wink at me through the darkness of the city.
Her reflection is cardinal,
Stretching out in all directions,
Giving her love freely.
All she asks is
recognition –
And faith in her consistent inconsistency.
We must trust that she is always there.
Even when she takes time for herself,
Or is covered by the heavy fog.
 
She teaches us that darkness and death
Are necessary for light and rebirth –
That we can stay true to our place in the universe,
And still always be changing.